If The Shoe-Thrower Were A SF Giant Pitcher
- Had Barry Zito thrown the shoe, it would have floated lightly toward W. Our President could finally have declared victory over something, as he'd have swung and crushed the shoe, launching it over the entire press corps. Still, most Iraqis would have said that Zito was such a nice guy that they appreciated the effort, even if he wasn't worth the big contract. Besides, Zito's still a lefty whose columns take up a vast swath of column-inches.
- Noah Lowry would have hurt himself.
- NL Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum wouldn't have been allowed in. Security would have thought he was one of the reporters' kids.*
- Jonathan Sanchez would have missed badly, high and outside.
- Matt Cain would have been dead-on with the first shoe, but another journalist would have stood up and gotten in the way. Unlucky. If he had time to throw his second shoe, though, it would have hit W square in the smacker.
* Had Lincecum somehow been let in, the first shoe thrown would have bored a hole in W's chest. That shoe, thrown with such extreme velocity, would have instantly cauterized the fatal wound. The Phenom would have used the second shoe to disarm and disable all of the Secret Service agents in the room, allowing him to escape.
Still, the rest of the Press Corps would be unable to follow through after Lincecum's super-human performance. They'd fail to score and would give up the game winning homer to Cheney with a fat pitch down the pipe in the top of the 8th.
The Fox and the Hound
Excellent commentary on priorities in the press.
Admiral William “Fox” Fallon resigned as head of CentCom on Tuesday, reportedly in protest over the President’s push for war with Iran. Yet this was barely reported. Instead, the Spitzer scandal dominated the headlines. Why? Because people love them some drama, and the Spitzer drama was the tastiest kind of all.
I love everything about the Spitzer Sex Scandal. He’s a “man of the people” spending more money for an hour of sex than most people pay for their second car. He’s been trying to collect New York State sales taxes from internet retailers, literally nickel and diming his constituents, while he patronizes mob-run blackmarkets. Most ironic of all, the same abuses of the Fourth Amendment he championed as a zealous crime-fighter now have been used against him to destroy his life and career. You just can’t get better value for your entertainment dollar than in New York politics.
Meanwhile, the guy in charge of everything from Mombasa to Ust Kamenogorsk, including Darfur, the Horn of Africa, Iran, Iraq, all the ’stans’ from Afghan to Uzbek, and everyone of Israel’s neighbors, the guy in charge of US military operations in the largest contiguous “hot zone” on the planet, well he just had a fight with the President and walked out. I’d like to know what’s up with that, but I keep getting distracted.
Also see: Fallon's Exit Provokes Concern on Bush's Iran Policy