Bowing To The Bean
The Bean is a benevolent Master... until you cross it.
I got hit with a stomach bug at the beginning of the year. Spent the first to the fourth sans solid food. Good times. But the one thing the bug did was get me through the withdrawal, such that it is, and off coffee. So I decided to try life without.
My great friend John drinks decaf, and I made fun of him for years for drinking kickless coffee. It's like drinking O'Douls. What's the point?
At a former job, he told me, he'd worked long hours and been in a fast-paced, high power position. As such, he'd developed a terrible coffee habit, and had been measuring his consumption in terms of pitchers instead of cups.
As an aside, John also argued that the his name gets screwed for no reason, second only to the name Dick in terms of negative connotations. Meanwhile, Joe had somehow become the name to pair with coffee, the sweetest of ambrosia.
He had an excellent point -- John is, for no reason, associated with bathrooms and port-a-potties. Meanwhile, what did Joe ever do to earn such a fine, caffinated association? Contrary by nature, John started a one-man campaign to change this unfair arrangement. Now he and I (and hopefully you) will tell people you're off to get a cup 'o john after stopping by the Joe.*
Back to the story... John, drinking pitchers-a-day, left the job and tried to get off The Bean. He quit cold turkey and, said he, it was, um, not pleasant. So why decaf? Because. Once The Bean has you, it never lets go.
I laughed and laughed and teased him for years. But you know what? He was right. It's awful.
I didn't start drinking coffee until I was in my mid-20s, and never got past a max of three or four cups in a day, but still, I'm ruined. Spoiled. Changed forever. Tea sucks. Chai is lame. Hot chocolate? Don't get me started.
I haven't had a cup o' john yet in 2009, but my resolve grows weaker by the day. I'm studying for the Feb. Bar Exam, and there's only so much tea that I can drink in a day. It has no depth, no richness. Life is all grays, no color. It sucks. Chai latte, I scowl at thee.
* What about Dick? Well, we're talking Nixon and Cheney with that one -- they earned it. Just don't name your son Richard.
[Image and more great examples of latte art via Oddee.]